


my heart's against your chest

by stardustandswimmingpools



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, American Sign Language, Deaf Character, Dean Winchester Is Doing His Best Damn It, Domestic Fluff, Eileen lives in the bunker. deal with it, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and if one signs it but the other doesn't see because it's behind his back, and so would sam winchester, anyway the point is these idiots are in love, does it count as declarations of love if one says it but the other doesn't hear bc she's deaf, i cannot stress. how much fluff. this fic contains., i would sacrifice my life for eileen leahy, lmao i accidentally posted this with the title Rumble On, references to cas and jack offscreen, so much fluff. brush your teeth after you read, zero plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22423531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustandswimmingpools/pseuds/stardustandswimmingpools
Summary: Feeling you talk and watching you sign is almost like hearing you.She doesn't need to look at him to know: he's blushing. He always does.
Relationships: Eileen Leahy & Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 22
Kudos: 75





	my heart's against your chest

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't watched Supernatural in order in a Long Time i've just been skipping around watching episodes I like BUT i'd die for eileen and this relationship is very important. Very. Important. so here is some absolutely appalling quantities of fluff for your saileen hearts. this has no place in canon but i don't care. fuck canon, seriously  
> italics indicate ASL. i tried to represent ASL and eileen's deafness accurately but, as usual, i am not deaf and I don't speak ASL so if i got anything grievously wrong please please please let me know so i can fix it!! it's very important to me not to spread misinformation and i will be very grateful. (side note: i know that the flow of ASL is different from the flow of spoken English, so in this case it's been adapted to read the way spoken English would read, even if that's not necessarily a direct translation. uh. you know what i mean? yeah.)  
> title from kiss me by ed sheeran  
> edit: i changed a little bit of one part to reflect the fact that simcom (as it has been explained to me) is generally a bad idea for people who are only learning ASL. i also think sam winchester is a stubborn bitch who will do it anyway, but at least now eileen isn't actively supporting it lmao. thank you to the person who pointed that out!

Eileen tells Sam she likes _Star Wars_ , which is a lie. She does, however, like cuddling with him, so in the end, it feels like they both win. 

They're watching it with subtitles, but Eileen's not really watching. It's not that she actively dislikes _Star Wars_ or anything. It's just...this, by itself, is nice. The act of watching a movie on the couch with Sam is nice. Sam carding a hand semi-absently through her hair while the other hand makes gestures at the screen — nice. Sam signing _you okay?_ every so often, and Eileen nodding against his chest because she could sign back _perfect_ but she'd need both hands and she's pretty sure he knows, anyway — it's just nice, is the point.

Partway through the movie she feels the rumble of Sam's voice under her palms. She lifts her head to see his lips and says, "What?"

Sam looks sheepish. "Sorry. I was…I was just saying the lines. With the movie. I forgot you, uh, could feel me talking." The blush dusting his cheeks is almost cuter than the fact that he can — and apparently does — quote this movie.

Eileen pats his chest. She frees her hands to sign, _It's okay. I like feeling you talk. Just tell me if you're talking to me._ Impish, she adds, _Because I can't hear you. I'm deaf, you know._

Sam ducks his head, huffing a laugh. _Of course,_ he signs back. _Sorry_ , he tries to add for no reason, although he can't really access the greater area of his chest and ends up circling his fist around a vague space next to Eileen's head.

Eileen takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. She loves his blush more than most things in the world.

* * *

Eileen is tired, but she will _not_ be the first to go to bed, damn it. If the Winchesters can stay up, so can she. 

That's what she tells herself when she pads into the kitchen at one in the morning, seeking sustenance to keep her from dozing off.

The counter trembles, minutely. Most people wouldn't notice, but Eileen's pretty attuned to that kind of thing, so she's not caught off-guard when Dean appears in the doorway a moment later, his heavy footfalls always preceding him.

"Eileen?" He's clearly confused. "Thought you hit the sack."

Eileen shrugs, determined not to show weakness. "Changed my mind. I want to help." She hopes Dean doesn't yammer on, because she can't go back to raiding the fridge until he's done talking. With Dean, it's either Chatty Cathy or Tall Dark and Silent, and it's always a gamble.

Tonight, Dean shrugs. "Suit yourself. Want a beer?"

Eileen read once that alcohol is a depressant that makes you sluggish, and no matter how alive you think you'll feel, it'll ultimately only slow you down. If she's trying to stay alert, beer probably isn't the way to go.

Before she can start to politely decline, Dean's face lights up.

"Wait! Shit, I learned this one. Uh…" _You want a beer?_ he signs, painstakingly slowly, but the grin of bravado on his face after he does it makes her actually smile. "Huh? Right? Figured I should learn to say stuff I actually say in real life."

 _Very good,_ Eileen signs, and for his benefit she says it out loud, too. "I'd love a beer," she adds.

Dean beams and reaches into the fridge.

* * *

Okay. The beer was a bad idea. Eileen is woman enough to admit when she's had a bad idea, and the beer was a bad idea. She's dead on her feet half an hour later, and — shit, who knew she was such a lightweight? She's Irish, for fuck's sake, she should be able to down twice her body weight and bounce back. Instead she's leaning on Sam's shoulder under the pretense of reading his book alongside him, forcing her eyes to stay open.

Sam is talking. Eileen should look up and see what he's saying. If only she cared. She can feel the vibrations under the thin fabric of his t-shirt, the rumbling reassurance of Sam's voice. It must be deep. Eileen likes that thought. Sam with a deep, gravelly, comforting voice. 

Sam has stopped talking. There's a pause. Then he starts up again. Eileen groans to herself and lifts her head off his shoulder to see what's what.

Dean's talking. Eileen's too tired to really piece together every word he's saying, but generally it looks like, " — last time, I'm not calling him. If he wants to play grown-up and pretend he doesn't need our help, that's his prerogative." Sam starts talking for a moment (probably, Eileen guesses dryly, saying _Dean_ in a placating tone that only ever serves to inflame), but Dean interrupts. "This discussion is over, Sam. I'm going to bed."

Eileen watches and then feels him slam his laptop shut; Dean pushes out his chair with far more force than necessary, picks up his laptop, and stalks out of the room.

Sam turns to Eileen. He makes an apologetic face. "Sorry," he says, and his fist encircles his chest as he does. "You know how he gets." His hands move clumsily, trying to keep up with his voice to sign what he's saying _._

 _What's wrong with him?_ Eileen signs. She tilts her head back onto his shoulder. It can be helpful to see the face of the person who's signing — ASL doesn't convey tone very well on its own — but Eileen is tired, and she can probably guess what Sam's tone is. Exasperated. With Dean, it's usually that.

 _Cas,_ Sam signs. His hands are still moving slower than usual, and Eileen can feel his voice, a gentle thrum. _He went on a hunt with Jack and hasn't called. Dean is worried._

Eileen chuckles. Dean's an idiot, but that's nothing new.

 _You really shouldn't talk while you sign,_ she says, changing the subject.

Sam signs back, _why?_ and she feels the resonance of his voice as he does. Doofus.

 _You'll skip words, get confused,_ she says. _English and ASL are different languages._

 _Oh,_ Sam signs, and this time she doesn't feel him talk. She misses the way his voice vibrates through his skin and onto Eileen. 

Well, it's not like he was going to listen to her anyway.

 _But I like it,_ she adds. The admission makes her feel almost sheepish, but she wonders if her tone comes off as blunt and straightforward as she tends to be. _Feeling you talk and watching you sign is almost like hearing you._

She doesn't need to look at him to know: he's blushing. He always does.

 _I'm tired,_ she admits. 

She feels him say something that he doesn't sign, and when she picks up her head in confusion he's blushing, hard. He kisses her for long enough that she's forced to break away to steal a breath of oxygen.

"Swoon," she says coolly, trying to mask the chorus of _I love you I love you I love you I love you_ that's building up in her throat, at her fingertips. She can't remember feeling this much of anything for anyone, ever. It's like being stuffed with molten gold, painful and beautiful and rare.

Sam kisses her one more time, soft and sweet, and then signs, _I'm tired too. Let's go to bed._

They do.

* * *

When Eileen looks up from her book, she's expecting to see Dean, because the room had practically caved in with all the pounding his footsteps had made, but instead it's Sam. 

There have been many an instance where Sam has snuck up on Eileen, who’d been too engrossed in something else to notice the looming figure growing closer until he’d tapped her shoulder and she’d spun around, seconds from a heart attack. Sam usually walks light. If he’s walking so forcefully, it’s probably on purpose. He’s making his presence known to her instead of catching her off-guard. Just like when he’d tried (and failed) to sign _thank you_ in their first meeting, the unorthodox attempt is deeply appreciated.

(Dean's method is just to flicker the lights of the room, once on and off, which works decently but is kind of annoying. Not that she'll ever tell him that. The fact that he even thinks of it is enough.)

(Cas just sneaks up on her, but she's going to have to get used to that.)

"What are you reading?" he asks, signing as he does. Eileen lifts the cover of the book so he can read it:

" _The Secret Garden,_ really?" Sam quirks an eyebrow. "Isn't that a kids' book?"

Eileen raises her own eyebrow, which she does much more successfully than him. "You're judging _my_ taste, Luke Skywalker?"

"Hey," Sam defends. " _Star Wars_ is a classic."

"So is _Secret Garden_ ," Eileen argues. "Just because there are no weapons or daddy issues doesn't mean it's not a classic." _It just means you can't relate,_ she thinks and almost says.

"Where did you even get that?" As Eileen predicted, when Sam's not really focused on his signing, he skips words. As he says this, he signs, _Where did you that?_ Eileen hides a smile. 

"Cas got it for me last week," she says. "I asked him."

"Huh." Sam crosses, sits next to her on the couch, and looks over at the open page of the book. _Have you read it before?_ he signs. Eileen nods. _May I?_ he signs, reaching for the book. She releases her hold on it and he starts to flip through it. When he gets towards the end, Eileen snatches it back. 

"Don't spoil it for yourself," she chides. "Either read it from the beginning or don't read at all. What kind of nerd are you?"

He elbows her.

* * *

_I had an idea,_ Sam signs when they're both laying in bed.

Eileen smirks and signs, _I'm listening._ And then she turns her head towards him, catching the slight flush of pink on his cheeks. 

_I thought we,_ he starts to sign, and then his hands fall to his lap and he says, "Sorry — I don't think I know how to say this all in ASL."

Eileen shakes her head, dismissing him. "I've been reading lips my whole life," she says. "It's okay." She doesn't know how to phrase it so it doesn't sound like she's settling, but she means it; while ASL is her first and best language, reading lips has been her weapon of choice since she was born. It's second nature at this point.

Sam looks like he feels guilty (the Winchester Guilt — truly a monster to behold), but he stows it, thank God. "Um, okay. Well, you're rereading this book, and I want to read it —" Eileen looks surprised. "Well, if you like it, there must be some merit, right?"

 _That's true, I have excellent taste_ , Eileen agrees.

Sam laughs. "Right. And, um, I remember you said you like to — to _feel_ when I'm talking, even if you don't know what I'm saying, so…" He winces a little, as if preparing to be rebuffed. "I thought it might be nice if we read the book together, but I read it out loud? You've read it before anyway, so it's okay if you fall asleep during, and that way we both read the book, and, well, you said —"

"Sam," Eileen interrupts, heart hammering against her ribs in a pattern that sounds like I _love you I love you I love you_ , "that sounds perfect." _Perfect,_ she signs, trying to emphasize just how perfect it sounds. In the interest of getting her point across, she drags him into a kiss, pressing the sign for _I love you_ against the back of his neck. 

One step at a time.

She curls up on his chest as Sam opens the book to the first page. He drops a kiss on the top of her head and then she feels his voice start to rumble under her cheek.

She doesn't even look at the book. She knows how it starts. Instead, she falls asleep to the soothing and persistent hum of Sam's voice.

It feels like coming home. She's never heard Sam talk, but she imagines that's what it would sound like, too. Home.

**Author's Note:**

> will i write a second installment of this fluff-fest? maybe! will it focus more on dean and cas? maybe! but probably not because honestly i'm mainly here for the saileen content! but maybe. anyway, i'm on tumblr @vivilevone if you wanna come find me, and uhh...yeah! if you liked it leave a comment or whatever. thanks for reading


End file.
